So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
