I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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