I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
