They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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