god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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