Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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