How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
