I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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