not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
