At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
