My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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