We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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