Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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