My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
