i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
