You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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