K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Operation Purity has been aborted
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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