Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
