I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
