i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
