I am in a vortex of obligation.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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