I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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