last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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