I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
