Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found the puke drawer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
