He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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