he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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