I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
