i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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