Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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