Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
