maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
