Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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