I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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