Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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