Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
