dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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