I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
