If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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