I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
