No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
