ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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