It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
