I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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