i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
