If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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