Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
