There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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