That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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