We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
