i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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